Need You Now
Leaves are turning to brown, amber, orange. All the colours you find on the ground, telling you autumn is now here. The time of year where you can start to feel lost. When you realise your summer love was indeed just a summer love. Time of year when you start putting on your thick winter jumpers. A time of year when you need to start thinking about Christmas presents. And of course autumn is the time of year when education starts.
During the summer even I had a lover. When I was around him I was able to make decisions. Decisions, that now it’s autumn, I can’t keep. I’m supposed to be in college, but here I am walking in the deserted park with the sound of leaves crunching under my shoes.
It’s not that I didn’t want to go to college, in fact I did. It’s just something is happening at home and everyone at college know. My lover told me
“Don’t worry about it. He might not even be your teacher.” How wrong my lover was. He did end up as my teacher. My mother’s boyfriend is
my teacher and class tutor. Oh the humiliation! I’m going to be in trouble when I get home for not going to college today.
A few hours went by without me even knowing. I sat down on a bench and looked out at the lake. This wasn’t any old bench, it was my father’s favourite bench. If I stood up you could be able to see the gold plate. It reads “In loving memory of Ian Steven Brooke. A beloved brother, husband and father. May you rest in peace.”
I closed my eyes and breath deeply. As I sat on the bench I could feel his touch, smell his aftershave. I allowed him to fill my senses, telling me what to
do. I listened to the whistle in wind. After a while I heard what my father said. I opened my eyes and reached into my coat pocket. I took out my phone and
looked through the contacts. There it was. My newest contact. I pressed the dial button and listened to the dial tone. My heart sank as I heard the answer phone message.
“You’ve reached Shane Filan. Unfortunately I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy in LA recording the new album. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Beep.”
I closed my eyes and thought of something to say. Then I said “I need you.” a long pause cam until I said “I love you.”
I ended the call. With my eyes still closed I felt the wind in my hair, heard the soft sound of the falling leaves. I just sat there with my eyes closed. Just
sat there…
“Now what is my sister doing sitting outside all by herself?” I heard someone say
Of course I knew the voice. I knew for too well. I opened my eyes and I saw him. My brother Ian. He is named after our father. Before our father’s death
he’s been called Junior, but only by our parents. I’ve always called him Ian. It’s just after father’s death mother has been calling him Ian. He’s still got
those boyish charms that I love. And yes I mean love. I watched him kneel down in front of me. Thankfully this park was still deserted. If people were around they would have thought we were lovers. But right now I wished we were. I needed Ian just as much as I needed father and Shane. I don’t have Shane to hold, to help me feel safe. I don’t have father for his words of wisdom and his touch on my skin. How I longed for Ian to wrap me up
in his arms, to kiss me on the neck and even to kiss me on the lips. How I needed his love right now. Three words are on the tip of my tongue right now,
but I bit my lower lip to stop myself from saying them.
“You’re lost aren’t you?” asked Ian “And it’s not just because of Mother and Howard, is it?”
I looked at him. Yes I did feel lost. I started to feel lost when father died. When Shane came into my life I started to find my way. But now I’m lost
again.
“I am.” I said “I need guidance Ian.”
“I think truthfully you’ve become to dependant on love. First my love, then father’s love and now Shane’s You need to find your own way.”
“Ian, I need you.”
Why did those words come out? I tried my hardest to keep them at bay, now they’ve come out. I cursed myself inside. Our love should be forever gone, so
why is it coming back now? Those three words were the words that Ian wanted to hear a long time ago. The three words that caused our love to bloom. Three words I heard my father say before he said “I need your love.”
“Now I wish Shane was here.” Ian said “We can’t go back down that route.”
“Can’t we? Don’t you feel it Ian? There’s something pulling us back together, and I wish it did.”
“I’m putting it at bay. I would love to love you again. I need you now as much as you need me. But I’m trying to have more control.”
“If you need it as much as I then why fight it?”
“Because of what happened with father.”
“I refused his access with my body so he couldn’t make love to me. He got weaker every time I denied him. But I’m not denying you Ian. I just long for
your touch, for your kiss.”
Either those words were what he wanted to hear or they hit a wall that came crashing down. He placed his hands on my arms and pushed himself high enough to be face to face. He leaned in rather quickly and I suddenly felt his lips on mine. I couldn’t tell if he did out of love or because he had enough of our conversation and did just to please me. But either way I felt him get lost in the kiss.
I felt his hand go from my arms and under my shirt. They made they’re way slowly up my back. Then they came to my bra strap. That’s when I stopped him. I reached my hands behind my back and placed them on his. Then I pulled away from the kiss.
“As much as I want this to happen, not here. Not when someone can walk pass and see us.” I said
I could see both love and anger in his eyes. The anger told me he was just doing it to please me. If he wasn’t going to do it out of love then why do it at
all? No matter how much I needed it right now. The anger over took him. He stood up, looked at me with disgust and walked away. I watched him walk down the path. My heart was aching for him, for his love. Yes I wanted to make love with him but not in a public place where anyone
could see us. If only Ian saw that. If only had taken me by the hand and walked across the greenery behind me. There was a large shaded area that was blocked by trees from any praying eyes. If only he did that, then I would have allowed him to have his way.
The End
During the summer even I had a lover. When I was around him I was able to make decisions. Decisions, that now it’s autumn, I can’t keep. I’m supposed to be in college, but here I am walking in the deserted park with the sound of leaves crunching under my shoes.
It’s not that I didn’t want to go to college, in fact I did. It’s just something is happening at home and everyone at college know. My lover told me
“Don’t worry about it. He might not even be your teacher.” How wrong my lover was. He did end up as my teacher. My mother’s boyfriend is
my teacher and class tutor. Oh the humiliation! I’m going to be in trouble when I get home for not going to college today.
A few hours went by without me even knowing. I sat down on a bench and looked out at the lake. This wasn’t any old bench, it was my father’s favourite bench. If I stood up you could be able to see the gold plate. It reads “In loving memory of Ian Steven Brooke. A beloved brother, husband and father. May you rest in peace.”
I closed my eyes and breath deeply. As I sat on the bench I could feel his touch, smell his aftershave. I allowed him to fill my senses, telling me what to
do. I listened to the whistle in wind. After a while I heard what my father said. I opened my eyes and reached into my coat pocket. I took out my phone and
looked through the contacts. There it was. My newest contact. I pressed the dial button and listened to the dial tone. My heart sank as I heard the answer phone message.
“You’ve reached Shane Filan. Unfortunately I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy in LA recording the new album. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Beep.”
I closed my eyes and thought of something to say. Then I said “I need you.” a long pause cam until I said “I love you.”
I ended the call. With my eyes still closed I felt the wind in my hair, heard the soft sound of the falling leaves. I just sat there with my eyes closed. Just
sat there…
“Now what is my sister doing sitting outside all by herself?” I heard someone say
Of course I knew the voice. I knew for too well. I opened my eyes and I saw him. My brother Ian. He is named after our father. Before our father’s death
he’s been called Junior, but only by our parents. I’ve always called him Ian. It’s just after father’s death mother has been calling him Ian. He’s still got
those boyish charms that I love. And yes I mean love. I watched him kneel down in front of me. Thankfully this park was still deserted. If people were around they would have thought we were lovers. But right now I wished we were. I needed Ian just as much as I needed father and Shane. I don’t have Shane to hold, to help me feel safe. I don’t have father for his words of wisdom and his touch on my skin. How I longed for Ian to wrap me up
in his arms, to kiss me on the neck and even to kiss me on the lips. How I needed his love right now. Three words are on the tip of my tongue right now,
but I bit my lower lip to stop myself from saying them.
“You’re lost aren’t you?” asked Ian “And it’s not just because of Mother and Howard, is it?”
I looked at him. Yes I did feel lost. I started to feel lost when father died. When Shane came into my life I started to find my way. But now I’m lost
again.
“I am.” I said “I need guidance Ian.”
“I think truthfully you’ve become to dependant on love. First my love, then father’s love and now Shane’s You need to find your own way.”
“Ian, I need you.”
Why did those words come out? I tried my hardest to keep them at bay, now they’ve come out. I cursed myself inside. Our love should be forever gone, so
why is it coming back now? Those three words were the words that Ian wanted to hear a long time ago. The three words that caused our love to bloom. Three words I heard my father say before he said “I need your love.”
“Now I wish Shane was here.” Ian said “We can’t go back down that route.”
“Can’t we? Don’t you feel it Ian? There’s something pulling us back together, and I wish it did.”
“I’m putting it at bay. I would love to love you again. I need you now as much as you need me. But I’m trying to have more control.”
“If you need it as much as I then why fight it?”
“Because of what happened with father.”
“I refused his access with my body so he couldn’t make love to me. He got weaker every time I denied him. But I’m not denying you Ian. I just long for
your touch, for your kiss.”
Either those words were what he wanted to hear or they hit a wall that came crashing down. He placed his hands on my arms and pushed himself high enough to be face to face. He leaned in rather quickly and I suddenly felt his lips on mine. I couldn’t tell if he did out of love or because he had enough of our conversation and did just to please me. But either way I felt him get lost in the kiss.
I felt his hand go from my arms and under my shirt. They made they’re way slowly up my back. Then they came to my bra strap. That’s when I stopped him. I reached my hands behind my back and placed them on his. Then I pulled away from the kiss.
“As much as I want this to happen, not here. Not when someone can walk pass and see us.” I said
I could see both love and anger in his eyes. The anger told me he was just doing it to please me. If he wasn’t going to do it out of love then why do it at
all? No matter how much I needed it right now. The anger over took him. He stood up, looked at me with disgust and walked away. I watched him walk down the path. My heart was aching for him, for his love. Yes I wanted to make love with him but not in a public place where anyone
could see us. If only Ian saw that. If only had taken me by the hand and walked across the greenery behind me. There was a large shaded area that was blocked by trees from any praying eyes. If only he did that, then I would have allowed him to have his way.
The End