Unbreakable
As I put the letter down, tears started to fall. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. I didn’t love him, never did, so why am I crying at this? I
have never loved any of the men my parents set me up with. So why cry over a letter written by a man I did not love?
The phone range, making me jump. I reached for the phone but then hesitated. I waited for the message to play through the answer phone. I found it hard to swallow when I heard the voice of the estate agent lady. She was saying I had no permission to stay in this flat as I am separated from the owner. She said she was sorry and managed to mention there was a one bedroom flat ready that was cheap enough for me to buy.
“Stupid bitch.” I muttered. Why did she think I had no money? Was it because I moved in with my so called lover?
Breathing deeply I tried to gather myself together. Knowing I could no longer live here I had to pack today. But it was too much information too soon. How did she know about this so quickly? Thinking about it, I’m sure I heard someone with her, even it was just his breathing. I screwed up the letter and threw it across the room. Then I fell back onto the bed and let the tears fall freely.
I tired to cut of the noise around me. But putting the pillow over my head and pressing it hard against my ears wasn’t doing the trick. I threw the pillow
of and opened my eyes. It was him making the noise.
“You’re awake.” He said, anger noticeable in his tone.
“No thanks to you.” I said quietly. No matter how quietly I said it, he still heard me. He stopped packing and starred straight into my eyes.
Why my parents set me up with him is beyond me. It’s not like he was rich. He was tall, a bold head that was smooth like a baby’s bum. Electric blue eyes that makes any girl mesmerized. He tends to be topless, proud of his upper body. He is very well muscled and likes to show of his strength. Maybe that’s why was chosen for me. For his looks and nothing else.
“I didn’t expect to see you still here.” He said “I thought you’d be gone by now.”
“I would’ve been. I must have fallen asleep.” I said
Sadness was in his eyes, something I rarely see. He perched on the edge of the bed and I sat up. He took my hand in his and kissed the palm of my hand.
“You must be wondering why I’m leaving you.” He said
“Save it Rupert. It’s time to move on, to start a new life.”
“You know what’s more important than starting a new life?” I shook my head “You need to learn to believe in love again. That’s all your parents are trying
to do.”
“How do you know?” I said coldly, moving my hand away from his.. “You don’t know me!”
“I know you better than you think Bethany. It’s not rocket science to know you’re heartbroken. It’s been years since he was in your life. You need to let
it go.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I stood up and started towards the door.
“The problem is you don’t know me well enough to make that judgement!” Rupert shouted after me.
I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath. I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to hear any more of this. My body reacted strangely when Rupert brought him up again.
“Bethany listen to me. Let someone else in your life. If it’s not going to be then let it be someone else.” Rupert begged. “You’re a nice girl and I’m glad I
got to know you. But you need to let go. Stop running away from reality.”
I closed my eyes when he said the last word. My legs went weak and I found it hard to breathe. But I forced my foot to take the first step. Soon my shaking
hand reached for the door handle and I walked out of the flat, empty handed.
I walked across the abandon streets, staring ahead but not really knowing where I’m going. The voice of Rupert still ringing in my ears. Everything he
said was right. I just cannot let go. It’s not that easy, no matter what anyone thinks.
That night I slept in an alley. It was sheltered from the wind that was brewing, and it was in a quiet area. There was one lonely lamp post that didn’t
cover the whole stretch but it was enough to make me feel safe.
I huddled against the wall with my knees to my chest. I didn’t pick up my coat but I had my purse in my pocket. I didn’t have enough money to pay for a
room in a cheap hotel and I didn’t fancy going to town at this late hour. I cleared my head of all thoughts and waited for sleep to come.
The soft sound of street life awoke me. I sat up, yawned and rubbed my eyes. I took in my surroundings and saw I hadn’t dreamt it. This is my reality. This
is my new life. A life I shall live with no parents. Go through it alone.
My stomach rumbled which reminded me I have had nothing to eat. Ignoring the way I looked (not that I could see how I looked) I made my way to my favourite café. I kept my eyes on the path, not wanting to catch eye contact with passers by.
The café was nice and warm and I noticed a change in décor. The walls were now a soft shade of pink with a shelf running in the middle of all three walls.
On the right wall there was a portrait mirror with a gold leaf frame. On the shelf was a display of different tea pots and tea cups. The furniture has
changed as well. The tables and chairs were light brown but now were white and had a distress feel to them.
“Bethany, it’s been a while.” Said the waitress, Flower.
She put her hands on my shoulders and air kissed both of my cheeks. Her long black hair was tied up in a loose ponytail. She was thin before and I think
she’s even thinner now.
“What can I get you darling?” She asked, now holding a small pad and a pencil in her hands.
“The same old favourite thanks Flower.” I said, my voice a little hoarse.
“Tell you what, I’ll let you use my cosmetic bag in the bathroom. Looks like you need it.” I rolled my eyes. “Your food will be ready by the time you’re
finished. Beautify away!”
Flower went into the kitchen to order my food. Sighing, I went to the bathroom. I didn’t really want to see how I looked, but I looked in the mirror
anyway. It wasn’t a bad sight. My face was strained with the tears I cried, my eyes were red and puffy. My shoulder length hair was a little messy, but it was always like this when I wake up.
I ran the cold water and when it was cold enough for my liking, I splashed the water onto my face. I did this a few times. Not only was it to wash my face
but also to make me wake up and face this new reality. I brushed my hair and Rupert’s words invaded my thought, You need to let go.
I starred at my reflection, something I haven’t done since his death. It scared me when I didn’t know the girl starring back at me.
“Who are you girl?” I whispered to myself “Where did you go?”
The bathroom door opened and Flower came in. Her eyes brightened when she saw my improved look. “Much better darling.” She said with a hand on her hip. “Your food’s ready.”
“Thanks.” I put her brush back into her cosmetic bag and as I made my way out, I gave it back to her. “Thanks again.”
I settled in the far corner of the café, sipping my drink, not taking much notice about the people coming in and out. It was only when I heard someone say
“Excuse me miss.” did I realise someone was near me.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He asked, his Irish accent caught in my ears.
I nodded and he joined me. My eyes followed his every movement. “Thanks. Never quite fun sitting on your own in a very quiet café.”
It was his words that made me look around. Apart from the staff, we were the only people here. Suddenly I felt nervous. My hands shake as I tried to take a sip of my drink.
“Are you Okay?” He asked concerned.
“Uh-huh.” I said
“You sure? You seem to be very shaky.”
I quickly put the cup down onto the saucer and folded my arms so he couldn’t see me shake.
“Sorry, I don’t mean for you to feel uncomfortable. I can move…”
“No it’s alright.” I said, the words rushing out. “I would like the company.”
“Okay. And you are?”
“Bethany. And you?”
“Shane Filan.”
“The now solo singer Shane Filan?”
“Heard of me then?”
“Heard. I have listened to your single a few times, but that’s on the radio.”
“That’s cool.”
We sat in silence for a while, just starring into each others eyes. I felt strangely connected to him. It was like I felt he was like me. On a journey we
were forced to go alone.
“Are you seeing anyone?” He asked
I shrugged my shoulder. “Why do you want to know?” I asked
“Just a friendly conversation.”
I considered my answer. Even though we have just met, I feel like I could trust him.
“I broke up with someone yesterday. Or rather, he broke up with me.” I said
“Sorry to hear that. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Don’t be. It’s Okay, really. There was nothing there. Never is.” I said the last two words under my breath.
“I know what you mean. Being forced to love someone is never fun.”
I looked at him. Could he sense me thinking about that? Or could he just read my mind?
“Flower has told me about you.” Shane said guiltily.
“Should’ve known.” I said bitterly. “How much has told you? And how do you know her?”
“Told me enough to know that your parents set you up with men ever since your boyfriend died. And she’s my cousin. I com here for the free drink.”
I couldn’t help myself but laugh at the last sentence. But that moment of happiness faded just as quickly as it came.
“You’re not alone you know.” He said “On everything. My parents have been setting me up with girls since my girlfriend died. They just don’t know how hard it is to move on, to let go.”
“They do everything they think is right.”
“But don’t always listen to what their son or daughter is saying to them. Nothing wrong with them setting us up. They’re trying to help.”
“But sometimes we need to go it alone. Find someone for ourselves. Even if it takes time.”
It felt strange having this conversation with a man who was really a stranger. But it was what we were going through that bonded us almost at once.
If felt as if fate has played with is and brought us together.
“Letting go is hard.” Shane said “But we don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes things can be easier if joined by another. How about we do this journey
together? Will stop our parents at least.”
Maybe with his help I can do this, I thought. The fear of doing the journey alone has stopped me from doing it. And this handsome man was the same. Perhaps we could walk the path together. Perhaps we could see what the future holds if we looked together.
“How about it Bethany?”
“Sounds fun. Or at least encouraging.” I said
“Good. There’s always a place to begin, the hardest of all.”
“Saying the final goodbye. But they will always be in your life.”
For the next few hours I tried to get the courage I needed to face the one thing I’ve been denying. Shane has never left my side since the moment we met.
He has already took that first step to a new life that awaited from the moment you let go. I have yet to do this.
Shane held me in his arms as we sat on the bench opposite the site my boyfriend was buried. My eyes were glued to the headstone that I knew was his.
“I’m ready.” I said after going through things over again.
“You sure?” Shane asked
I nodded. Slowly I stand up and felt Shane take my hand into his. I took a
deep breath and walked towards his grave. When I was there Shane let go of my
hand and stepped behind me. Just knowing Shane was there helped me.
“I’m sorry for taking so long.” I said quietly “I didn’t find someone to share the journey with until now. They say fate can play a big part in our lives
and I felt that was true when I met you. Then my belief disappeared. But some how now I feel fate has played again. But this time in the form of death.
It was you and Jessica who had brought Shane and I together, and I thank you. But now it’s time the hardest words anyone can say.” I paused, a lamp was caught in my throat that made it hard to continue. But I did. “It’s time to say goodbye Nicky. I hope you have a peaceful and restful life. Goodbye my love."
Shane was behind me again, wrapping his arms around my waist and pushing my body close to his. “It’s going be okay.” He whispered “Everything is okay.”
We stayed like for a while. When the sun began to set, Shane took my hand into his and we walked away.
Rupert said I needed to learn to believe in love again. He was right. But maybe I didn’t need to learn. Maybe saying goodbye to Nicky was all I needed to
believe in love again. And maybe meeting Shane, going through this journey with him, has brought that belief back into my life again.
Now I have taken those first steps. Now I can enjoy this new life.
The end.
have never loved any of the men my parents set me up with. So why cry over a letter written by a man I did not love?
The phone range, making me jump. I reached for the phone but then hesitated. I waited for the message to play through the answer phone. I found it hard to swallow when I heard the voice of the estate agent lady. She was saying I had no permission to stay in this flat as I am separated from the owner. She said she was sorry and managed to mention there was a one bedroom flat ready that was cheap enough for me to buy.
“Stupid bitch.” I muttered. Why did she think I had no money? Was it because I moved in with my so called lover?
Breathing deeply I tried to gather myself together. Knowing I could no longer live here I had to pack today. But it was too much information too soon. How did she know about this so quickly? Thinking about it, I’m sure I heard someone with her, even it was just his breathing. I screwed up the letter and threw it across the room. Then I fell back onto the bed and let the tears fall freely.
I tired to cut of the noise around me. But putting the pillow over my head and pressing it hard against my ears wasn’t doing the trick. I threw the pillow
of and opened my eyes. It was him making the noise.
“You’re awake.” He said, anger noticeable in his tone.
“No thanks to you.” I said quietly. No matter how quietly I said it, he still heard me. He stopped packing and starred straight into my eyes.
Why my parents set me up with him is beyond me. It’s not like he was rich. He was tall, a bold head that was smooth like a baby’s bum. Electric blue eyes that makes any girl mesmerized. He tends to be topless, proud of his upper body. He is very well muscled and likes to show of his strength. Maybe that’s why was chosen for me. For his looks and nothing else.
“I didn’t expect to see you still here.” He said “I thought you’d be gone by now.”
“I would’ve been. I must have fallen asleep.” I said
Sadness was in his eyes, something I rarely see. He perched on the edge of the bed and I sat up. He took my hand in his and kissed the palm of my hand.
“You must be wondering why I’m leaving you.” He said
“Save it Rupert. It’s time to move on, to start a new life.”
“You know what’s more important than starting a new life?” I shook my head “You need to learn to believe in love again. That’s all your parents are trying
to do.”
“How do you know?” I said coldly, moving my hand away from his.. “You don’t know me!”
“I know you better than you think Bethany. It’s not rocket science to know you’re heartbroken. It’s been years since he was in your life. You need to let
it go.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I stood up and started towards the door.
“The problem is you don’t know me well enough to make that judgement!” Rupert shouted after me.
I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath. I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to hear any more of this. My body reacted strangely when Rupert brought him up again.
“Bethany listen to me. Let someone else in your life. If it’s not going to be then let it be someone else.” Rupert begged. “You’re a nice girl and I’m glad I
got to know you. But you need to let go. Stop running away from reality.”
I closed my eyes when he said the last word. My legs went weak and I found it hard to breathe. But I forced my foot to take the first step. Soon my shaking
hand reached for the door handle and I walked out of the flat, empty handed.
I walked across the abandon streets, staring ahead but not really knowing where I’m going. The voice of Rupert still ringing in my ears. Everything he
said was right. I just cannot let go. It’s not that easy, no matter what anyone thinks.
That night I slept in an alley. It was sheltered from the wind that was brewing, and it was in a quiet area. There was one lonely lamp post that didn’t
cover the whole stretch but it was enough to make me feel safe.
I huddled against the wall with my knees to my chest. I didn’t pick up my coat but I had my purse in my pocket. I didn’t have enough money to pay for a
room in a cheap hotel and I didn’t fancy going to town at this late hour. I cleared my head of all thoughts and waited for sleep to come.
The soft sound of street life awoke me. I sat up, yawned and rubbed my eyes. I took in my surroundings and saw I hadn’t dreamt it. This is my reality. This
is my new life. A life I shall live with no parents. Go through it alone.
My stomach rumbled which reminded me I have had nothing to eat. Ignoring the way I looked (not that I could see how I looked) I made my way to my favourite café. I kept my eyes on the path, not wanting to catch eye contact with passers by.
The café was nice and warm and I noticed a change in décor. The walls were now a soft shade of pink with a shelf running in the middle of all three walls.
On the right wall there was a portrait mirror with a gold leaf frame. On the shelf was a display of different tea pots and tea cups. The furniture has
changed as well. The tables and chairs were light brown but now were white and had a distress feel to them.
“Bethany, it’s been a while.” Said the waitress, Flower.
She put her hands on my shoulders and air kissed both of my cheeks. Her long black hair was tied up in a loose ponytail. She was thin before and I think
she’s even thinner now.
“What can I get you darling?” She asked, now holding a small pad and a pencil in her hands.
“The same old favourite thanks Flower.” I said, my voice a little hoarse.
“Tell you what, I’ll let you use my cosmetic bag in the bathroom. Looks like you need it.” I rolled my eyes. “Your food will be ready by the time you’re
finished. Beautify away!”
Flower went into the kitchen to order my food. Sighing, I went to the bathroom. I didn’t really want to see how I looked, but I looked in the mirror
anyway. It wasn’t a bad sight. My face was strained with the tears I cried, my eyes were red and puffy. My shoulder length hair was a little messy, but it was always like this when I wake up.
I ran the cold water and when it was cold enough for my liking, I splashed the water onto my face. I did this a few times. Not only was it to wash my face
but also to make me wake up and face this new reality. I brushed my hair and Rupert’s words invaded my thought, You need to let go.
I starred at my reflection, something I haven’t done since his death. It scared me when I didn’t know the girl starring back at me.
“Who are you girl?” I whispered to myself “Where did you go?”
The bathroom door opened and Flower came in. Her eyes brightened when she saw my improved look. “Much better darling.” She said with a hand on her hip. “Your food’s ready.”
“Thanks.” I put her brush back into her cosmetic bag and as I made my way out, I gave it back to her. “Thanks again.”
I settled in the far corner of the café, sipping my drink, not taking much notice about the people coming in and out. It was only when I heard someone say
“Excuse me miss.” did I realise someone was near me.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He asked, his Irish accent caught in my ears.
I nodded and he joined me. My eyes followed his every movement. “Thanks. Never quite fun sitting on your own in a very quiet café.”
It was his words that made me look around. Apart from the staff, we were the only people here. Suddenly I felt nervous. My hands shake as I tried to take a sip of my drink.
“Are you Okay?” He asked concerned.
“Uh-huh.” I said
“You sure? You seem to be very shaky.”
I quickly put the cup down onto the saucer and folded my arms so he couldn’t see me shake.
“Sorry, I don’t mean for you to feel uncomfortable. I can move…”
“No it’s alright.” I said, the words rushing out. “I would like the company.”
“Okay. And you are?”
“Bethany. And you?”
“Shane Filan.”
“The now solo singer Shane Filan?”
“Heard of me then?”
“Heard. I have listened to your single a few times, but that’s on the radio.”
“That’s cool.”
We sat in silence for a while, just starring into each others eyes. I felt strangely connected to him. It was like I felt he was like me. On a journey we
were forced to go alone.
“Are you seeing anyone?” He asked
I shrugged my shoulder. “Why do you want to know?” I asked
“Just a friendly conversation.”
I considered my answer. Even though we have just met, I feel like I could trust him.
“I broke up with someone yesterday. Or rather, he broke up with me.” I said
“Sorry to hear that. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Don’t be. It’s Okay, really. There was nothing there. Never is.” I said the last two words under my breath.
“I know what you mean. Being forced to love someone is never fun.”
I looked at him. Could he sense me thinking about that? Or could he just read my mind?
“Flower has told me about you.” Shane said guiltily.
“Should’ve known.” I said bitterly. “How much has told you? And how do you know her?”
“Told me enough to know that your parents set you up with men ever since your boyfriend died. And she’s my cousin. I com here for the free drink.”
I couldn’t help myself but laugh at the last sentence. But that moment of happiness faded just as quickly as it came.
“You’re not alone you know.” He said “On everything. My parents have been setting me up with girls since my girlfriend died. They just don’t know how hard it is to move on, to let go.”
“They do everything they think is right.”
“But don’t always listen to what their son or daughter is saying to them. Nothing wrong with them setting us up. They’re trying to help.”
“But sometimes we need to go it alone. Find someone for ourselves. Even if it takes time.”
It felt strange having this conversation with a man who was really a stranger. But it was what we were going through that bonded us almost at once.
If felt as if fate has played with is and brought us together.
“Letting go is hard.” Shane said “But we don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes things can be easier if joined by another. How about we do this journey
together? Will stop our parents at least.”
Maybe with his help I can do this, I thought. The fear of doing the journey alone has stopped me from doing it. And this handsome man was the same. Perhaps we could walk the path together. Perhaps we could see what the future holds if we looked together.
“How about it Bethany?”
“Sounds fun. Or at least encouraging.” I said
“Good. There’s always a place to begin, the hardest of all.”
“Saying the final goodbye. But they will always be in your life.”
For the next few hours I tried to get the courage I needed to face the one thing I’ve been denying. Shane has never left my side since the moment we met.
He has already took that first step to a new life that awaited from the moment you let go. I have yet to do this.
Shane held me in his arms as we sat on the bench opposite the site my boyfriend was buried. My eyes were glued to the headstone that I knew was his.
“I’m ready.” I said after going through things over again.
“You sure?” Shane asked
I nodded. Slowly I stand up and felt Shane take my hand into his. I took a
deep breath and walked towards his grave. When I was there Shane let go of my
hand and stepped behind me. Just knowing Shane was there helped me.
“I’m sorry for taking so long.” I said quietly “I didn’t find someone to share the journey with until now. They say fate can play a big part in our lives
and I felt that was true when I met you. Then my belief disappeared. But some how now I feel fate has played again. But this time in the form of death.
It was you and Jessica who had brought Shane and I together, and I thank you. But now it’s time the hardest words anyone can say.” I paused, a lamp was caught in my throat that made it hard to continue. But I did. “It’s time to say goodbye Nicky. I hope you have a peaceful and restful life. Goodbye my love."
Shane was behind me again, wrapping his arms around my waist and pushing my body close to his. “It’s going be okay.” He whispered “Everything is okay.”
We stayed like for a while. When the sun began to set, Shane took my hand into his and we walked away.
Rupert said I needed to learn to believe in love again. He was right. But maybe I didn’t need to learn. Maybe saying goodbye to Nicky was all I needed to
believe in love again. And maybe meeting Shane, going through this journey with him, has brought that belief back into my life again.
Now I have taken those first steps. Now I can enjoy this new life.
The end.